When we think of “radical” acts, feeling good is not at the top of the charts. I looked up the definition of radical, and found two distinct but relevant definitions: 1) a change from accepted or traditional forms; and 2) going to the root or origin. This makes sense. What’s radical about women truly feeling good is that it flies in the face of a traditional role for women—where women are valued for how good they make others feel. When women feel good, and know how to do it on their own terms, it gets to the root of knowing and loving oneself.

Regarding sexuality and a disconnect from pleasure, this takes multiple forms for women, such as feeling embarrassed about masturbation, putting the needs of others first and not taking the time to genuinely nurture ourselves.

Masturbation, at its core, is about feeling good. Yet discussing masturbation openly is still taboo for many women. I have counseled women who physically enjoyed masturbation, but felt embarrassed and ashamed afterwards. This is the epitome of ingrained sexual guilt: no one else is in the room, and no one knows they pleasured themselves; yet, they sense that society is in the room judging. Feeling good— physically, mentally and emotionally— can be radical to these women.

Finding their identity and meaning in caring for others, women often feel they must put the needs of others first. While this is a beautiful aspect of our society, it means that women may not feel entitled to ask for what they want. This is particularly prevalent in sexual situations when women can be too uncomfortable to express their desires or may not even know what gives them pleasure.

Why is it important to strive to feel good? Disconnecting from what feels good at a deeper level means disconnecting from a primary source of our power and strength.  However, once we know what it is like to experience joy and pleasure, we will demand it in relationships with others and seek to have that joy fill our lives.

To reclaim feeling good at a deep level is to ask what feels good as a sensual, balanced woman. This self-appreciation is empowering, and feeling good like that is a radical act.

* Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sexual health educator and female sexual empowerment coach. Dr. Jenn empowers women to connect with their sexual selves for greater passion, relationship satisfaction, and self-love.  If you would like to learn more about intimacy topics or watch Dr. Jenn’s popular video podcast series, “In the Den with Dr. Jenn,” visit www.drjennsden.com